The jokes of kings
by RachealRM
Summary: A crack fiction i wrote in twenty minutes. What if Elrond and Thranduil fought, for no reason?


**Elrond Crack**

"Dare to say that again?" the dark haired elf asked, seemingly arbitrary to the situation at hand.

The golden haired warrior stood opposite to the half-elf, "Oh you know how I hate to repeat myself..." he drawled lazily, "but with your memory valor knows how I have to endure it."

Elrond smirked at the man, "Thranduil as we both know your age dictates the need for repeating is yours not mine."

The comment was answered with silent tension as the king of mirkwood straightened slightly before looking away. "Elrond son of Eärendil prepare to meet Eru face to face" and with that he was suddenly upon him.

He swung violently with his sword, it gleamed as the candle light danced playfully off it's deadly blade. The dark haired elf barely managed to duck under the weapon, pulling out his sword in the process.

With the grace of a cat he rolled to the side avoiding yet another strike from the angelic haired king. "My my thranduil lost your touch?" he quipped.

"You keep that up, and you will loose more than your tongue when i'm done with you..." he smirked and jumped at him again. This time he managed to knock his back right into a table. "I always said your table manners were going to be the death of you."

Elrond smiled at the challenge, and stepped up on the table. "Shall we discuss this over dinner?"

Thranduil gracefully joined him on the banquet servings, "I think that is a marvelous idea" the duo then began exchanging blows "I am starving"

Elrond managed to do a low swooping kick knocking the proud king into a bowl of soup. "So sorry, you looked a bit thirsty" elrond said as he swung down, thranduil blocked with his blade. Using the other hand he grabbed a roasted foul "Elrond your looking peaky, I dare say you need more protein" he followed it by clubbing the elf in the head.

The elf stumbled back trying to regain his senses, as the woodland king gravely returned to his feet. "Are you feeling well? Perhaps you should lie down..." he landed a kick on the unsuspecting being, "permanently"

Thranduil walked slowly around the elf, often as a vulture would circle it's prey. "Tut tut, you have grown rusty, my old friend"

The proud half elf slowly got to his feet, "I was about to say the same to you." he brought his sword back up, "OLD friend"

The angelic face grimaced, "It seems this needs to be settled once and for all."

"So it would seem" the two great nobles stared each other down for what it seemed like and eternity, before they struck.

It started with wild blows being exchanged knocking over anything that got in there path, tables, chairs, people, even the throne didn't come out unscathed. People pushed and shoved trying to get out of the way of carnage. The banquet hall was all but demolished by the time they were pulled apart.

Legolas, golden haired flowing grabbed his father and pulled him back. Elrond was being restrained by his two sons, their hair as dark as their father's.

"Father have you lost your mind?" Ellodan stated panic laced through his voice.

"Do you know whom your attacking?" Elrohir exasperatedly said.

"My lord, as the prince I am more than willing to take command if you are unwell!" legolas himself had a worried stricken look on his face.

Silence settled on the court, and the crowd as they awaited the next words. A laughter broke out from both sets of leaders. Thranduil and Elrond were laughing. Had they gone mad?

The sons let go of their parent out of shock and fear. "Ah my friend I have missed you" Elrond said between laughs.

"Same, my friend, you have to admit their reactions were better than we anticipated" Thranduil said trying to breathe.

"Indeed" Elrond straightened up, cracking his neck in the process, "Though it seems i am getting old."

"So it seems" the two laughed once more, before thranduil ordered wine to be brought and the feast to continue. That was one night no one forgot. A sonnet was written about it though it seems no one dared to sing it in the end.


End file.
